Who is Missai Madrid?
Hello!
I am Missai Madrid. Who the fuck is Missai Madrid? I have absolutely no Idea!
But I am slowly picking up bits and pieces of myself that I’ve lost along the way from the turmoil on the road called life.
Denying your true self since childhood is the biggest mistake that anyone can ever make. With two conditional loving parents, a nice home, and two siblings (not including myself) -I wished as a child that we would all be together forever as a family. Sadly the black sheep of the family, always feeling very isolated..
Begging for scraps of attention and changing myself to be the “perfect” daughter. But it was never enough.
I began to cut myself at the age of six or seven years old. I began to get addicted to porn and masturbation. That was the only release and pleasure I felt growing up, but it also brought this great shameful feeling inside of me. Growing up, our parents sheltered us from anything TABOO. Which only caused this shame and embarrassment of a human being to grow beyond myself. Disgust- I felt of myself.
I always felt like I was in a bubble looking in from the outside; looking in at everybody having a good time. They were there right in front of me… but I could never reach them.
I suffer from BPD, Psychotic Major Depression, Bipolar type 2, PTSD, and major anxiety. Diagnosed of course.
Dealt with these shitty cards for life, of course I had to be the jack of all trades with BPD.
Now back to the question, who is Missai Madrid?
I used to identify myself with my mental disorders. Believing I was a bad person; that I was constantly annoying people by talking too much or ruining things.
But I am not my mental disorders.
I am me.
I’ve dealt with plenty of toxic relationships my entire life, whether it be my family, friends and later on- significant others. Holding onto such a silly dream of a perfect family gave me no room to grow and to find myself.
As it is also the first anniversary of an emotionally abusive relationship this year, wish me luck everyone! Edit: 2nd year now.
Now that I have a supporting environment and people who truly care for me, they catch me in the moments of me just being. For example; a photo taken of me sketching… It opened my eyes- making me realize that there is so much more to me than I had thought or could ever imagine.
I absolutely love art; sketching, needle felting, clay work, painting and more. I also love to dance, specifically Polynesian dancing. I have a huge passion for it. I enjoy every way of expressing myself through the variety of art forms. I sing and play ukulele as well. I have a major passion for modeling too and performing. I was so honored to work with Anthony Padilla in his “I Maid a Mistake” Documentary!
note to self:
I am a loving, caring, and an amazing person.
I have so much potential to do what I want to do and I am going to make damn sure I make the most of it!
Helping the youth or animals has always been a passion of mine. I would love to be that one educator that makes a positive impact on a child’s life that makes them feel unconditionally loved, understood, cared for, and really comfortable enough to express their emotions to me. I want to be that person that I wish I had in my life.
The youth is our future and starting early on educating them on how to recognize, feel/ process, and understand their emotions is a great big stepping stone into a better society as a whole. Almost like a chain effect.
Humans are naturally very social creatures and when you take that away from them, it is quite pointless. But being able to effectively communicate our emotions verbally with one another, without having to raise voices or get into physical fighting, is something that I hope for in the future. Being able to communicate properly without jumping to conclusions and getting frustrated fairly quickly- then you know to take a breather until your thoughts are clear and you can to have calm discussions as we try to figure and solve problems out- yelling and fighting gets us no where. That’s why I believe that if we teach the young these techniques early on, it would benefit the community as an all as well as save a lot of relationships whether it be friendships, dating, marriage, or family ties.
Missai's Mad Mind 