Welcome Back, Dear

I wish I could stray and run away from you.

Forget it all and pass on like the waves of every sea and ocean.

Hello, again. You remain here just like wading toxic trash that only just keeps poluting the water in many more ways than one .

One day, we will cross paths again- and the disgusting feeling of seaweed brushing against my feet and legs are nearly the same.

It makes me shiver in disgust as I shake off the seaweed leaves, however you make me quiver in fear.

No longer quivering…

My body- I feel as if I can no longer move it.

Fuck.

I am STILL.

Why can’t I run away? Why can’t I scream?

Why won’t my body react?

I can’t move, I’m trapped once again.

I’m STUCK.

Still as can be- just like the doll you make me out to be. Another doll to throw into your collection.

Unintentionally tensing my body and ready for any impact at any moment.

I am still reminding myself to relax my body til this day as I catch myself doing so- tensing as my anxiety rises.

My body feels sore and ached from involuntarily tensing up all the time. My mind is exhausted- too much thinking.. too much going on. And no one to talk to.

My heart-.

You had no regard for me at all. You did not care about me. You didn’t truly love me as you claimed you did.

However, now you’ve changed- or claim to have.

All of the disgusting, freighting, and terrible things you have done to me. I can not forget.

But why do I still care for you?

Why did you have to come back?

You should have stayed far, far away from me-

I was rebuilding myself, trying to find pieces that I was missing and lost.

But you are back again.

Why?